Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

The children stole the show at our church today. One child was excited to find an Easter egg in the toilet. Another had trouble getting up the stairs with her long, lovely Easter dress. But the scene stealer was a two year old who thought sitting in the circle on the floor with the pastor was an invitation to play Duck, Duck, Goose!” At one point, he looked out and saw the congregation and proceeded to say “Hello everyone!” followed by “Where are you Mommy? “. Soon he just had to go find her but then returned to the “stage” with his hands turned up and out proclaiming “I’m back!”
Which just may have been the most understandable declaration of Christ’s return from death that I have ever seen. Certainly it was the most entertaining.
The central message of our faith is that in the midst of the darkest hour on earth when evil seemed to have overpowered all that was good as Christ Jesus died a cruel death, just a few sunrises later he proclaimed “I’m back!” And one day we too will return from the many deaths of this weary world resurrected and whole.

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I received this from my sweet Mother-in-law. Clearly there is no replacement for the original 10 Commandments or their counterpart Yama-Niyama from the Hindu traditions. However, these “commandments” have much to offer.

 Layman’s 10 Commandments….
Someone has written these beautiful words. It’s a must read. Try to understand the deep meaning of it. They are like the ten commandments to follow in life all of the time!
 1] Prayer is not a “spare wheel”that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a “steering wheel”that directs the right path throughout the journey.
 2] So why is a Car’s WINDSHIELD so large & the Rear View Mirror so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, Look Ahead and Move on.
 3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes a few minutes to burn, but it takes years to write.
 4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don’t worry, they can’t last long either.
 5] Old Friends are Gold! New Friends are Diamond! If you get a Diamond, don’t forget
the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond, you always need a Base of Gold!
 6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, “Relax, sweetheart, it’s just a bend, not the end!
 7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn’t solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.
  8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: “Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?” He replied: “Yes, losing your vision!” 

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.
 10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow’s TROUBLES, it takes away today’s peace.

Amen to that!


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I have just come in from weeding our driveway. Yes, you read that right. Our home is built into the side of a small mountain. We have a gravel driveway which works very well when it rains – water is absorbed and does not flood our home. However, weeds grow with wild abandon. Why? Why? Why?
In our carefully tended garden there are places where nothing grows. We fertilize, mulch, mix in compost. Nothing. Why?
I do not know. There is the old adage that what we pay attention to, grows. Not so much when it comes to the weeds in my driveway. As always, I am trying to find the message in these weeds. Here’s what I have come up with.

1) we live in a fallen world
2) we are not in control
3) home ownership in the woods has it’s pitfalls
4) I’m getting old.

OK- obviously I’ve got nothing. Perhaps some things just have to be borne in life with a sense of humor. When we are old and rickety, we just might want to let the weeds grow. Winter is always around the corner and nature will have it’s own revenge on those ridiculous weeds.

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The Tongue

I have the good fortune to have daily phone contact with my mother. We can talk for hours and not remember much about it. The point isn’t the content but the pleasure of one another’s company. Mom is 87 years young or as my grandson said, “that’s my Greatgrandma! She’s really, really old but she’s still alive!”
One of the things we share is a love of books. Once in awhile we will be so impressed with a book that we just have to send it across the 700 miles that separate us. The latest one was The Healing by Johnathan ODell. In both of our assessments it is one of the best books we have ever read, out of literally thousands. I share this one quote to peak your interest:

“A flapping tongue puts out the light of wisdom”

The Healing by Johnathan ODell

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God’s sense of humor?

Today’s Short Reading from the Bible… from Genesis:

“And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all
corners of the earth”.

Then He made the earth round………… and He laughed and laughed and


Thank you to my mother-in-law for this one!

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Every Easter, I would call my parents and my Father would remember to say “He is Risem” and I responded with those ancient words “He is Risen Indeed!”. But the past few years of Dad’s life, he would then go into an exaggerated version of the hymn “It the Bulb Ther is a Flower” and I would join him. We both detest that hymn but in each of our churches it is a favorite. The hymn has great meaning in celebrating springtime but the tune got stuck in our minds and we couldn’t shake it. So we laughed together instead. Ah, I miss that man. I miss his humor and his laugh most of all. I hope I will always be able to recall that chuckle and those outright roars of glee.
So this Easter, I remember and I know that the message of Easter is a very personal one. I will hear that laugh again.

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Brain Fog

One of the most annoying aspects of my primary health challenge is my impaired brain, not so fondly called “brain fog” by my fellow sufferers. Perhaps being 60 has something to do with it but most days the Oz song “If I Only Had a Brain” is the background music to my life. At one time, I did have one. A brain that is. I miss it.

Today I’ve been trying to learn to download a book through Dropbox and trying to understand what the excitement about the Higgs Boton is all about. These two things are equally baffling. I think I remember a time when I could figure things out but then I remember the grade I received in Pysics 101. It was a “C” and that was a gift. Maybe I never was as smart as I remember being. Humbling thought.

Thank God for friends whose brains still work. Mike walked me through the Dropbox and told me it wasn’t necessary for me to understand the Higgs Boton thingy. Such understanding would not improve my quality of life in any way.

Do you ever feel left behind in this ever evolving technological world? I’m thinking that maybe it’s okay as we get older to not be on the cutting edge. Perhaps the world needs something else from us like taking the time to think, and communicate, and ponder, and to stay calm in the knowledge that all things will pass. Even when my brain feels like a vat of glue, I still can listen and occasionally be wise. I’m thinking this world needs the wisdom of it’s elders even more than it needs me or any of us non-scientists to understand electromagnetic fields and that thingy called the Higgs Boton.

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A dear friend of mine texted the following to me this morning:

My morning mediation I decide to play something different in the background – so I dial up the mediation station in Pandora… Settle into my chair… Relax. Ahhhh
So I’m now about 15 minutes into this wonderful relaxing music and the message come through…”are you tired of waxing and shaving?….” Commercial message that is… Note to self. Don’t meditate to Pandora unless you buy the commercial free package.

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Psalm 130:5 “I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope.”

I have had a daily practice of meditation for close to 30 years now. After that much practice, most days this comes naturally. But there are always those times when life has other ideas. My favorite memory of this comes from my early days of pastoring when I started a sermon series on spiritual disciplines with a tutorial on Chritian mediation. I had designed a guided meditation based on Psalm 1 with Pacabel’s Canon playing softly in the background. All was going well until I heard a man running down the aisle towards the organ carrying a fire extinquisher! The organist softly said: “I’m sorry but the organ appears to have caught on fire!”

More recently, a woodpecker was determined to destroy our cedar siding. This loud tatoo greatly interrupted my quiet. I don’t know if that was better or worse than my dear husband shooting at squirrels with his pellet gun. So much for oneness with the All of creation!

Then there is that persistent to-do list that keeps interrupting my enjoyment of God’s loving presence. If that becomes too loud, I write it down and return to the task on hand. Repeating every name for God that I can think of sometimes speaks louder than the to do list. But then there’s the chance that Amy Grant will be singing El Shaddai in my mind. Which come to think of it, isn’t a bad meditation all by itself. I believe God blesses even the intention to quiet one’s heart even if we don’t “feel” that blessing in the moment. Over time, God’s presence becomes a greater reality than even a burning organ or a persistent woodpecker.

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We have a rule in our house: when I am meditating, my dearly beloved husband is not allowed to shoot the squirrels. Now before anyone gets upset at this so-called hunting, I must tell you the story. We live way out in the country, up in the hills and in the midst of the forest. No vegetable garden for us but lots of mushrooms. We have so enjoyed the wildlife – scarlet taningeers, ruby throated grossbeaks, raccoons, porcupines, deer, field mice, red squirrels, gray squirrels and best of all, flying squirrels. We enjoyed them untill they decided to share our house. A month ago, through a series of thwarted attempts, we finally were able to trap 27 flying squirrels that had been living in the lap of luxury eating out of our bird feeders and camping out in our rafters during the day. They were relocated 25 miles south. At the same time, we fished out 24 dead field mice out of a wall in the Family room. So you see, this need to teach these critters to leave our house alone.

All has been well and our house is rodent free. This is good because as I meditate, I experience a blessed sense of oneness with all of creation. I do not want this bliss to be disturbed by either a pellet gun or the scratching sound of rodents in the wall. But tonight, there it was again. I think the flying squirrels may be back. I’m wondering if there is a way to limit this whole oneness thing. I mean can’t they be one with me outside??? Or maybe they like the meditation music I play. Or maybe Oneness wants me to get over myself.

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