thesoulpurposedotorg

I am at that point in life where I am learning a new role: that of Mother In Law. There are so many jokes about this role and I understand why. I find it more challenging than being a step-mother, a role that has been for me similiar to being an older friend. I do so enjoy the “wise crone” role and delight in being asked for my opinon and for advise. I’ve made so many mistakes in life that I do believe I have become quite wise about a few things. But not so wise about being a MIL. I feel like a teenager again – awkward, stumbling, afraid of offending and equally afraid of being ignored, deemed as one of the worthless ones. How is it that I’ve accomplished so much in life and reached the age of the AARP stamp of approval and somehow I am as insecure and unsure of myself as I was at age 13. I just can’t quite get it right.
I just got the news that my son and his beautiful wife are going to be parents! That means I get to be a grandma to my first born’s first born! I am flooded with memories of his birth and all of our intentions to control every aspect of his life to make it just perfect. That quickly disappeared as he was rushed into the pediatric ICU for a week of death-defying treatments. I was, at that time, still quite overwhelmed by my own mother-in-law. I did not know how to let her into my heart for fear that she would take over our lives. I felt that same 13 year old insecurity then and never did quite get past that. And so now life has come full circle and I’m the MIL who is overwhelming and overwhelmed. Who will I be to this new life growing in the womb of the one who adores my son? I hope I can break this cycle of overwhemling and just flow with it.
This recent passage from Way of the Ascetics by Tito Collander (printed by St. Vladimir Seminary Press) is speking to me:

The narrow way has no end: its quality is eternity. There every moment is a moment of beginning – the present includes the future; the day of judgement; the present includes the past: creation; for Christ is timelessly present everywhere, both in hell and in heaven. With the coming of the One, plurality disappears, even in time and space. Everything happens simultaneously, now and here and everywhere, in the depth of your heart. There you meet what you sought: the depth and height and breadth of the Cross: the Savior and salvation.
Therefore, if you wish to save your soul and win eternal life arise moment by moment from your dullness, blessing yourself with the sign of the cross and say “Let me, Lord, make a good beginning, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

Let it be so. Amen Aum. Shalom.