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A few days of a cold turned in to a couple of weeks of moderate misery! A reminder, once again, that health is a fragile and lovely gift. But then, illness has it’s lessons as well. I re-read a short book I wrote for my children during this time and am thinking I just might try to re-write it for an audience greater than two. I called it “Vessels of Grace” and wrote about the lessons of life that I have learned through my various and asundry ill-health and personal failures. Here’s an excerpt on Giving and Receiving

You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the
Lord Jesus himself said:
`It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” Acts 20:34-35 NIV

“She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”
Mark 14: 8-9 NIV

“It is better to give than receive” are the words of common wisdom. I would add to these words, “It is easier to give than receive.” Contrary to popular wisdom, the experience of receiving often leaves one feeling vulnerable, lesser than the giver, dependant, perhaps even helpless. The receiver usually has no say in what is given. The giver has the power and the choices.
There are three roles that are common in most of our human relationships in this culture: Victim, Abuser, and Savior. We often take turns playing one or more of these roles. The contemporary understanding of the Christian faith tends to reinforce these sorts of relationships. This is not the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus came to save the world—that’s job has been done. That is not your job or mine. Our job is to give and receive. Those are the only two roles we are to play. Of course there are times people are victims and we have the ability to help them. The trick is to not stay in that role with anyone. To give is truly blessed. To receive is a gift of humility. But to oppress or to rescue becomes a trap and ultimately a game of deception.

“ When you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, [4] so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
Matthew 6:3-4 NIV

A vessel, by it’s very nature, both gives and receives. As vessels of God’s grace, we both receive God’s grace and give God’s grace. Sometimes we contain God’s grace until it can be received by another. Not everyone is ready to receive “unmerited favor.” It is as important to know when to give and when to withhold as it is to be such a vessel.
In the first church I pastored, we had an annual program designed to gift the needy at Christmas time with food, clothing and presents for the holiday. The drive to raise funds, goods and volunteers extended to both schools and churches. The names of the recipient families came from both as well. At one point, when we were beset by devastating illness, we were the recipients of those gifts. That was very hard, humiliating and a powerful lesson.
There are many who volunteer to put this program together out of desire to give back to their community. Many who sacrificially give of their time and their treasury to love their neighbors through this program. There are many others who do so out of a mean-spirited desire to feel better than and to sit in judgment of single parents and emotionally hurting people. The same is true of food pantries and clothing closets. It is much better to be a have and to give than to be a have not and receive.
No one wants to feel powerless. The first of the Twelve Steps is “We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol – that our lives have become unmanageable.” They say the first step is the hardest. To receive is to take this first step, to open the first gift of an illness or a limitation. For me, it has been a very hard step that I have to take again and again, never willingly and always with a sense of frustration with myself.
It is better to give and to receive. There cannot be one with out the other. It is the male and female rhythm of life. “Woman draws in life from man and gives it back again…and there is love,” sings Noel Paul Stookey. The wise King Solomon wrote:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they are warm; but how can one be warm alone?” Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 NRSV

There has to be this rhythm in our relationships. Even though one person may be weaker at any given time, there cannot be a compatible long-lasting friendship or relationship of any kind if there is not both giving and receiving.
I wonder what it was like for Jesus to receive the anointing of tears as the woman washed his feet. Or the anointing of his feet with perfume that his friend Mary gave him after sitting at his feet, just listening to him talk, much to her sister Martha’s chagrin. Was it hard for Jesus to receive these tender gifts? Paul tells us that Jesus said, “It is better to give than receive” but none of the gospels record this saying. It was a common saying of Jewish rabbi’s and Jesus may well have said it. But I’m not so certain of that.
It seems to me that Jesus showed great graciousness in receiving what others had to give him. What he had to give was far more and yet he never appeared to lord it over others. It must have been terrifying for the women who tenderly cared for him to do so. For a woman to touch a man was forbidden. And yet Jesus defended them and praised them for their giving which he graciously received. Similarly, Jesus gave to women, both in teaching and healing them. It was a radical thing for him to do, and dangerous for the women to receive.