thesoulpurposedotorg

The Eastern Orthodox prayer book directs the disciple to pray Psalm 51 (Psalm 50 in the Orthodox Bible) daily. This is the prayer of David asking for forgiveness when he woke up to his sinful and abusing behavior towards Bathsheba and her husband. Rape, murder, arrogance of power – sins most respond to with utter horror and calls for life in prison if not the death penalty. And this from God’s beloved chosen king.

I’ve been praying this psalm daily for about four months now. It never seems to get old to me. Each time I read it, speak it, meditate upon it, it reaches to someplace deeper.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” And another speck of confusion in my heart is lifted, and my vision is wiped just a little cleaner as if windex and newspaper had scrubbed it clean.

I imagine there are layers of confusion, fears, wrong attitudes, habitual thoughts that need to be scrubbed away. Each time I pray this psalm, a litte more soot is removed from my inner eye and a little more hardness is softened. I see with bit more compassion and hear what isn’t spoken.

Patience is one of the fruits of God’s spirit – a fruit that has always seemed a bit like lemons to me – bitter. Yet praying this psalm has taught me a bit more patience with myself. Over time, repentance does change us. In an instant, we are forgiven but the fruits of that forgiveness seem to me to take time as daily I am washed clean. Daily I remember who I am. Weeks, months, years later, I begin to experience the pureness of my heart and suddenly, I know I am free.